haircut

I haven't had a haircut in 10 years. My hair is long, straight, and brown and almost to my waist. There's no style, nothing fancy. I wear it in a bun or a clip or in little princess Leia twists on the top or sides of my head.

I just finished the final touches on what was a 5+ year epic divorce (and don't forget to count the years in hell). That's another story but it's finally over. Just like women in the 7th month of pregnancy feel like it's time for a change to refresh themselves, so do I now. My life is so different than what it was.

This is the same way I wore my hair from kindergarten to highschool. I feel like a little kid. When I was a teen I did the shaved head thing (ahh the 80s) but kept a ponytail on top. Now I want to feel like a grownup. I don't want to spend any time actually 'doing' my hair (what language, what a concept: that hair must be 'done') but I want to look a bit more professional when I'm schmoozing round the university.

I feel like it always looks scrappy and a mess so why not cut it, and look bad with less weight and a change?

It's really going to smell bad in the bonfire though. I wonder if I can find a way to give it to Locks of Love or one of those other places that make wigs for people who've lost hair to chemotherapy.

Until they close the scissors I can still change my mind. I didn't really think they would say come today at 1:30. But maybe they heard the fear in my voice and the courage/idiocy it took me to make the phone call. If they scheduled me for another day I might change my mind and never do it.

I guess I look at it as some sort of healing ritual too: shaking the rest of the bad stuff, instead of carrying around that history with me every day. And sort of a rite of passage. Can I do it? Can I really grow up?